Never, ever, ever die. I swear if you do, I will fall apart. Do you know how much you mean to me? I certainly don't tell you enough. I love you with a deeper, fiercer love than you could know. I can't stand the thought of being alone. Of being without you.
I will be a still-breathing ghost, you know. A shadow of who I was, a memory of a dream some time ago forgotten. It's not a matter of if's or might's. My spirit leaves with you and our deaths are intertwined. My fate is yours and your fate is mine. I couldn't change that if I wanted to. And I wouldn't want to if I could.
So never, ever, ever die because I will collapse, disintegrate, disappear if you do. I wish more than anything that I could escape first, but I wonder what it would do to you. If you would feel the same. And if that is the case, if it's even a possibility, I would rather bear the pain than give it all to you. I'd rather take the pain of your life and that of your death than hand you either of mine. After all, you have your own and who am I to impose my struggles onto you? As long as you're alive, so am I. As long as you're happy, I'm going to be fine. Still I can't help but think what'll happen through time. More than anything, I don't want anyone to die.
I hate it, you know. I hate death and yet it haunts me. Everything I do: my thoughts, my friends, my family. What's worst is that I can't escape it and so I must run. Run and run, little child, and never look back. I can't look back. If I do, I'll have to face Death. He's the same Death I've always felt I created, the same creature I made with my hands. I formed him. I fed him. I nurtured him and gave up so much to keep him alive, to keep him beside me. And this is what he's become. If I look behind me, I'll have to face the Reaper. I will see him bearing down on my friends, bearing down on you. His jaws are always so close behind, taunting and teasing and waiting for us to trip just once. I can smell his sulfur breath, feel the hot air chasing after me as his hollow laughter rings out. And so I run.
Please, I'm begging you, run with me. Run even when you're tired and don't want to run any more. Please. Just keep running for me. Run with me. I can't bear to see you swallowed up. I can't stand to leave you behind. Please, my dear friend, run. Run and never, ever, ever die.
Written under the influence of Looking For Alaska
Leaena Tigris <3
